It was dark outside when Donald answere the door. She had said she would be there at 6 o clock but now it was more like 9.00. She was dressed as a mermaid and asked if she could sit in the bath all night

For a moment he thought she might be about to fall over and flap her tail. But she didn't seem quite as psychotic as most of the people he'd met latelty so he dragged her by the tail into the bathroom.

Donald made a living nowadays as a artificial turkey inseminator

.............

She spent days trailing around after him, collecting video footage for her net site and listening to stories about the time Shiela Tequilla and he had "been too much for Naples".

The pantomime developed loosely around the tale of Cinderella. Donald was Donald, the Prince was a ugly slapper, the Sista a transvestite and Buttons a small puppy

It all went well until the night of the performance, when, after drinking the free vodka, Donald artificially inseminated most of the cast

She laughed and wanted to join in

and the hotel fire alarm went off at 5.00am in the morning. They all looked dog rough, except for Donald who had matching blue cotton Pyjamas.

They never found out "who done it" but they had a lovely time trying.