It was dark outside when Donald answere the door. She had said she would be there at 6 o clock but now it was more like 9.00. She was clutching a fresh gourd and asked if she could loosen the hinges on his toilet seat.

For a moment he thought she might be loosely clad in damp chiffon. But she didn't seem quite as psychotic as most of the people he'd met latelty so he inflated a hamster and passed it to her to inhale..

Donald made a living nowadays as a vestigial limb.

.............

She spent days trailing around after him, collecting video footage for her net site and listening to stories about the time Shiela Tequilla and he had "been too much for Naples".

The pantomime developed loosely around the tale of Cinderella. Donald was Donald, the Prince was a rubber sandal, the Sista a three button cardigan and Buttons a three litlre bottle of Strike lager.

It all went well until the night of the performance, when, after drinking the free vodka, Donald had perspired over the evening

She started to systematically clear the First Aid cupboard.

and the hotel fire alarm went off at 5.00am in the morning. They all looked dog rough, except for Donald who had matching blue cotton Pyjamas.

They never found out "who done it" but God 'called them home' early.