It was dark outside when Donald answere the door. She had said she would be there at 6 o clock but now it was more like 9.00. She was stinking like the whore she was and asked if she could possibly have a bath.

For a moment he thought she might be Anthea Turner's left buttock cheek in person.. But she didn't seem quite as psychotic as most of the people he'd met latelty so he made her a nice cup of tea and some french toast..

Donald made a living nowadays as a Sid James impersonator.

.............

She spent days trailing around after him, collecting video footage for her net site and listening to stories about the time Shiela Tequilla and he had "been too much for Naples".

The pantomime developed loosely around the tale of Cinderella. Donald was Donald, the Prince was a twat, the Sista a git and Buttons a bitch

It all went well until the night of the performance, when, after drinking the free vodka, Donald vomited up several small animals.

She was in her element as she writhed up and down on his hard, throbbing sausage

and the hotel fire alarm went off at 5.00am in the morning. They all looked dog rough, except for Donald who had matching blue cotton Pyjamas.

They never found out "who done it" but they all gave Buttons a smack in the chops